Dear Chris Brown,
One word for you: Over. As in “What your Career is now”. Because of all the things you could have done, all the bad choices you could have made, you pick the one that you never bounce back from. Domestic Violence.
And don’t give me that whole, “Hey, what about Bobby Brown and Tommy Lee” thing, because I ask of you, What ABOUT Bobby Brown and Tommy Lee? When was the last time you heard anything awesome about them?

Smile while you can, you idiot.
This is serious business, Chris. You do know that, right. This isn’t like crashing up a car, or getting caught with coke in the bathroom of a club. This is pretty much the only thing you can do when famous and see the inside of a prison cell. You chose to beat up a musical sweetheart. You beat up Rihanna.

Are you kidding me?! You put THIS GIRL in A HOSPITAL BED!? Oh Man, run for the hills, Chris.
I MEAN ARE YOU INSANE?! She’s sweeter than candy! She’s a musical icon, and she’s only had like, three point five albums out! She weighs as much as ONE of my thighs! For God’s sake, she started a CHARITY FOUNDATION! She helps people find BONE MARROW DONORS!
You are totally, totally dead. And I don’t just mean like, in terms of music. Because as far as I’m concerned, you never really had that going for you. I mean, that “Kiss Kiss” bullshit? Please. So boring. Go back to making music with Lil’ Mama. Wait, I take that back. That’s actually not my advice for you. My advice is to run to Mars, or to get your ass in jail post haste. Because as much as jailbirds hate woman beaters, there’s another man you need to fear more than them right now. May I introduce you to… a Mr. Jay-Z?

He is coming for you, Chris. Coming fast.
Jay-Z is gonna take your punk ass out. You may ask why Jay-Z would possibly care about Rihanna’s well being. Well, fun fact! Jay-Z pretty much discovered her, and he’s very much a fan. He’s already made a few threatning remarks about Chris, and I say Sick ‘em Jay-Z! Sick ‘em! We’ll all look the other way. Y’know, when we’re not cheering.
No love,
~Shannon Hilchie
PS: Don’t even bring up that sad ass “apology statement” you gave. We already hate you. Don’t pour salt in the wound. Enjoy life while you can.